I Muse

Hold up your hand. Face your palm towards you. Stare at it. Think. What are you looking at? An open palm? A limb of your body? An extension of you? Yet I am thinking. How do I know? How do I know the colour of my skin is really the colour I am seeing. Afterall a person who is colour blind does not see the same 'colour' as I do. If that is the case how many other types of blindess are there? How do I know I'm even looking at a palm? How do I know my finger movements are really doing that? Are those really fingers?

If I ask you whats the difference between a Dream and being awake. How would you answer that? Both are believable enough in their tangibility. So whats the sign that I am 'awake'. Am I awake?

I realize my existence is so simple. My whole life before me are just memories. Nothing that can assure me that it ever happened except for some physical remnants like a photograph or a souvenir. But like fossil bones, I would never certainly know. And when forgotten, the physical remnants lose all meaning.

My existence is now. I see and feel yet I can never be sure if I am dreaming or awake. I close my eyes and my ears and my world disappears. Can I control my reality so easily? It seems easy enough. I drink enough to have a warped world. I do things that otherwise I wouldnt. I'd see things so differently. Already my reality is altered. How do I know its even the same reality? Or have I just changed my lenses that look out into reality with beer goggles? But if thats the case how does reality look like without goggles? What IS real. If my eyes are only lenses into reality... how does an unfiltered reality look like? What colour would it be?

But if this is all a dream why cant I will myself out of this. Why cant I dream something happy? or is this a nightmare? But it is my world. My dream. Why must I have a nightmare? Isnt it mine? Is this mine?

Holy Shite

Check out all the comments! Its full of bull crap! I disappear for a year or two and boom I find rodent litter all over this place. The internet emulates life doesnt it?

"Alright. Goodbye"

He pressed his thumb firmly against the metal button as it chirps out a cheerful little beep telling him that someones disconnected from him once again. Irritatingly cheerful tone considering what just happened.

Its overwhelmingly quiet.

Holding out his hand and opening his palm, a dreamy expression on his face he could feel the cooling weight of the cold air squeezing over his skin.

Its a straight road with black tarmac carelessly applied onto the pavement, homes flanking the road. Silent houses stand around him quietly as always, their windows seeming to look elsewhere.

He blinks once and then twice slowly as he flexes his fingers looking at it bemused before he clenches his fingers and runs it through his hair, now his eyes shut tight. Furrows of worries form on his forehead as he exhales softly not wanting to disturb the still morning.

Another glance at his phone and a thoughtful pause as he thinks about what has happened. A strange thought runs through him, this must be how death is. Where choice doesnt matter. Only a certainty of an end.

He isnt sad he knows. He's already resigned and accepted the outcome. To wait is no more different than to run to it. Run or stand. Its happening. Its happened. It will happen. How strange that time doesnt matter now. To just lay down and close your eyes sounds very inviting now but yet he feels a waste. There is always after. Those other seconds when he can forget and just reset himself.

Resignation.

Been awhile

I wonder does anyone know if this blog is alive again. Lft the place unattended for too long I guess.

I recently cooked for everyone something that I am proud of. Mushroom soup made all the way back from the raw uncanned mushrooms. Thats right. I MADE MY OWN MUSHROOM SOUP!!! MUAHAAHAHA! I shouldnt have skipped all those kitchen classes.

To back it up I made a Hazelnut Chocolate Cake. Pretty darn simple if you ask me.

Just have nice Dark Bitter Chocolate chopped leave the quantity for you to decide. its an art afterall)
Crushed hazelnuts.
Heavy Cream. (Or just cream)
And a pie crust. (Just add flour and butter. mix it up with hand. Add water VERY gradually. Should get a membrany texture. Roll it flat. Place it on metal crust plate. Bake. Walla.)

Pour the cream in a small saucepan and set it on medium fire. Or high if you're a speed freak with an eye for attention. Open a can of beer. Drink. Go back to your cream. It would not be boiling yet. Drink more cold beer. Steal a chocolate chunk from chopped chocolates for energy. Chocolate chunks should be in a mixing bowl. When cream gets boiling take a pull from your beer and pour your boiling cream over your chocolates. Liberally sprinkle hazelnuts into the mixture. Stir. Once everythings nice and mixed. Pour mixture into the curst filling it up nicely. Immediately stuff it into the fridge (not freezer). 2 hours. And you should have a hazelnut chocolate tart. Tastes like cadbury. (at least mine did). Serve with coffee.

Battlefield 2 the account

This game I chose the American faction to play in as a support soldier with my trusty M249 SAW. Spawning into the Strike of Karkand of Battlefield 2 the first thing I noticed was the yellow fog that draped over everything giving the city of karkand a wasted dusty town.

The battle was already underway between the Middle Eastern Coalition(MEC) and the Marine Expeditionary Unit(MEU). Already I can hear the distinctive popping popcorn sound of an automatic weapon rattling in the distance writing its own story. The SAW felt good in my hands as I joined up with my squad Charlie backs pressed against a wall as the squad leader peeked over the corner.

"Rush that courtyard and stay low!" the squad leader screamed

In a rattle and jangle of loose equipment, ammo magazines clanking against each other and the sound of leather stomping down on dusty tarmac everything was a blur. I barely had time to look around for dangers. i concentrated on following everyone.

True enough the popping sound started again more fiercely than I have ever heard as bright green tracers flow around and between the squad like angry insects. People next to me suddenly get lifted off their feets as if lifted by some invisible hand their expressions a blur in that moment as the horrible whizzing sounds of bullets streak past my ear

"Hit em Hit em!" The squad leader screamed more in fright than coolness. I couldnt blame him.

I dropped on my stomach in a crawl as I extended my SAW in front of me extending its bipods slowly to hear the springs push at the bipods sturdily for me to rest that solid piece of plastic and metal death onto the dust.

Bracing my shoulders ignoring everyone around me I aimed the sight down at the flickering lights ahead of me that threatened us. Furtive figures darted around menacingly.

Fraaaak!

Fraak!

Fraaaaaaak!

The kick of letting fly a hundred pieces of lead hit me with more force than I can prepare for. Strangely comforted by the assuring rhythmic kick of the SAW I began to pick at figures in the distant courtyard watching them tumble like marionettes without strings. I didnt feel anything for these deaths. I couldnt. How could I? We all knew the price of being here. And I'm dishing out bills.

Charlie squad already has taken cover around me firing at the distant figures also taking cover as the firefight intensified from other squads joining us. My ear felt like someone poking a hot needle in as the intense sound of battle hurt me. The sharp crack of a snipers 7.62 hurted me. The misleading crunchy sound of 5.56 comforted me. The zipping return 7.62 Warsaw ammo worried me as it picked off pieces of construction around me blinding my eyes.

The squeeky rumbling announced something that we werent prepared for.

My squadlead crouched and holding a radio to his ear, plugged his other ear with his hand was screaming into the phone. Worryingly he threw the phone back to the radioman and screamed at us.

"Fall back!"

"Fall back!"

I blinked as I saw in front of me. A massive form of steel and death roll from the fog unto us.

A T-72. With a big bill for us.

I have screwed up

How many foul ups can you make in a lifetime? Those wee lil bastards that gets brushed off your shoulders as you grind your way through life eventually pile up to become a really nasty pile that miraculously grows legs and bites you on your ass. This has not been a good month.

I guess I'm not such a nice guy afterall.

Llama Song

For those who wish to clear their minds from their daily routines (watch at your own stoned risk)

Overwhelmed

With entertainment! Eversince Martin (brother in law) and dad got me a very welcome set of improvements on my PC (bless her silicon soul) involving a 2nd much needed hard drive thats 80 gigs , a DVD - R drive and a brand spanking new 3d card my gaming life improved appreciably. Ok that was an understatement. I'm loving it!

DVD games are the best way to go. Install a huge installation and DVD no more! No more pesky rummaging through piles of packets and bags. Just double click! The catch? Seedy 3rd party installers. Some of them wont even allow you to change the directory or drive you're installing into. Some dont even install the whole thing. I just got Act of War and strangely enough i had to install 4 painful gigs of installation, and then reextract a very bogus file within the installed directory again which whopped another 4 gigs. Wtf is this. Has security caught up to the pirates? Has evil finally triumphed??

I just went nuts on a gaming spree to put it lightly. Act of War,Brother in Arms, Jagged Alliance2 + add on, Arcanum (settling old scores) , Divine Divinity, and Kotor 2. This is going to be a blissful death.

I'm going to be going to Frasiers in a few days for a so called 'Management Game' which is part of my course. Why Frasiers Hill. Why. I know a friend of mine is bringing Sheesha and another bringing a small bottle of whisky. This could turn out interesting.

I have in my fridge a treasured possesion. Tetley ALe!!! When to open it?? I dont know... what occasion? Darn... Must have meat,cheese and bread with this for the perfect taste! Perfect hack and slash meal!

I'm such a geek

Hello

Wow. Its been so long since I posted. Its exam week regardless so this is just to get my blog flowing. New games galore spilling this month! Act of War, Brothers in Arms, and a whole lot more! Sleepless nights here I come!

This video cracked me up alot.
http://www.big-boys.com/articles/canwemakeit.html

a classic raiders moment ;)